Accepting Weight Gain?
I first started this newsletter end of October 2020; a goal to record my experience with an eating disorder and obsession with my body image. It’s been a surreal experience to be able to share my personal journey with you. Over these months, this newsletter has become a place for deep reflection.
One of the major things I reflected on was weight gain. Many times, we are so scared of putting on a little bit of weight. Some around me worry about putting on some extra kilograms; whether it is after their wedding, after giving birth, after a holiday.. the list goes on. I used to be scared of gaining weight as well. I know what it was like to be chubby or fat. I was made fun of, and compared all the time to others. I wanted so badly to maintain my tiny frame because I was scared of the constant discrimination about gaining weight. I was scared of not being a “small” size and having to wear size “large”. Every single occasion of weight gain is followed by a round of dieting.
It was only until my disordered eating experience that I learnt the benefits of weight gain. Weight gain is a natural process if a person regularly undergoes a strict restrictive diet. When a person under eats for a long period of time, the body learns that it is in “starvation mode”. There is plenty of research that backs how the body can gain weight even when we are eating extremely little. As you’ve followed my journey, you would know that I was severely restricting the amount of food I ate from a very early age. In 2013, I started losing more weight by reducing what I ate and starting on intensive workouts. Slowly, the weight started creeping back on. Most of my weight gain was from 2019 while I was repairing my relationship with food.
Was weight gain tough? Yes, it was. I tried my best to focus on repairing my relationship with food first. I also knew weight gain was a part of the process because of Stephanie Buttermore who was starting to lose weight naturally in her all-in method. However, weight loss comes at a different rates for everyone. Some also don’t lose any weight from their all-in methods. I had to accept that if I didn’t lose any weight, that was completely fine too.
In January 2020, I started working out according to what I liked. On some days, I would go for cardio. On some, I’d opt for weight training. During the pandemic, I no longer had access to any gyms and there were a lot of adjustments to my workout routine. The gym in my apartment building had no heavy weights, and there were only very basic equipments. I started paying attention to what I wanted to do and what I didn’t want to do. On some days, I would feel completely unmotivated — opting for short walks or short but slow runs. I was also careful not to overexert myself because it was important to maintain a strong immunity.
During the month of August to October 2020, I even started a running program that trained me to run 10km! However, after that program, I felt that 30-minute workouts worked much better for me. These days, I have been feeling unmotivated and opt for walks instead.
Despite eating more and working out lesser, I never expected weight loss to occur so naturally. In the past, weight loss was so hard to achieve. Weight gain was also very easy. If I went on a holiday and ate more than normal, I would have gained weight much easier. On my last trip to Bali, I only managed to work out once or twice in three weeks. I ate whatever I wanted and did not put on any significant weight after the trip.
My recovery process was very similar to Stephanie Buttermore’s all-in method. We lost weight very naturally by craving lesser food and honoring our own hunger cues. My cravings and appetite have decreased very significantly. Weight gain wasn’t that bad after all.
Many people asked if I was promoting obesity because I keep insisting that weight gain is completely acceptable. I am not promoting obesity but gaining weight is a very natural process. Our body is smart enough to regulate our hormones; and this goes back to “Set Point Theory” which I will share more about in next week’s post. If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends.
See you next week!