Gaining weight
Hey everyone! Hope you’re doing well this week. Welcome back to another Cath Halim newsletter.
By the start of January 2020, I had stopped weighing myself and working out everyday. Instead, my daily routine was to see what I felt like doing for the day (in terms of fitness), and what I felt like eating. This was a lot easier because I stopped working out in November and December 2019. I also ate to my satiety every single day. My body was feeling much better. My sleep improved, my menstrual health became better (I started getting my periods for a longer time). My water retention wasn’t as bad too.
I continued to meditate everyday, relearning how to rest instead of working, went out to socialize. Weight gain didn’t bother me that much at this point anymore. I finally allowed myself to buy new clothes, because most clothes didn’t fit me anymore. I chose classic pieces like oversized white shirts, stretchy jeans in basic colours and oversized dresses. It wasn’t stylish but it was functional!
Some things were still triggering, like seeing my friends “workout” or “eat clean”. I had to take extra efforts to unfollow or hide their stories from my own social media page. This really helped!
In January and February, I definitely increased the amount of workouts I was doing. I started to go to spin classes again, played golf, and really taking my time to ease back into an active lifestyle.
As many of you have asked, how do we accept weight gain? Believe or not, weight gain teaches us the ultimate self-love. For people like you and I, we are so wired to be afraid of looking fat. There is really nothing wrong with gaining weight to gain your health back. Some of you might be wondering about this, “I am ugly if I am fat.” That is why gaining weight teaches you to love yourself despite how you look. This is self-love, level Expert. If someone isn’t okay with you gaining weight, know that it is not YOUR FAULT. If someone thinks you’re ugly when you gain weight, who are they to make a comment on your body? If your friends do not want to be friends with you because of the way you look, then they should not be your friends from the very beginning.
When I was 26 kilos heavier, I was so worried about how others would judge me. I was afraid of people making mean comments about my body and how I looked. I was so caught up about others that I forgot how to appreciate my body and everything about me that made me who I am. But with time, things really got better. I appreciated my body for still being able to function even though I’ve abused it for so long. I appreciated all of my friends and families who accepted me even when I was my heaviest.
If you’re going through a really hard time today accepting your new body, know that it’s normal. It’s hard to not worry about how others look at you. However, if you can learn how to accept yourself, you’ll feel so happy — just like how I feel right now.
In my next newsletter, we’ll deep dive about how I learnt how to eat again. I did use the help of an app and online platform. If you like this post, please feel free to share it with your friends.
I’ll also have my nutritionist friend, Ledyan, who will be speaking on eating disorders and nutrition next week. Catch you on my IG live and see you next week!