Insecurities 101
I've always been an insecure person.
In the year of 2017, a lot of things happened. I came off a super long relationship (almost 5 years!), I was starting a new job in unchartered territories and I was scared. During this time, I was insecure about myself. I found myself constantly comparing myself to other people. constantly triggered by everything. I was always trying to prove myself and sought approval from others.
To derive my worth, I’d always be in competition with everyone around me. If I saw someone posting a new bag on Instagram, I would get so jealous and felt like I needed to have the same (even when I didn’t like those things very much). I had to win at all costs, because that is the only way to prove how “great” my life was. All of these insecurities brought me so much negativity, and I ruined the relationships with the people around me. I was always unhappy about what I cannot get — never looking at life with being thankful.
I was worried about not being pretty enough, not skinny enough, not having the “coolest” fashionable items, not having enough money all the time. Can you believe how delusional about life I was with life at that time? In fact, I had everything I ever could have imagined. I had a flexible workplace, I could afford most things I wanted, I was not ugly but yet nothing was EVER enough.
How did I deal with those insecurities? Exercise myself to death (because never skinny enough), controlled my food portions (because never skinny enough), spent money on things I didn’t even need (because I had to look cool), fought with people (because I thought they never appreciated me). I was a very unhappy person - despite looking so cool on Instagram. Was that worth it? It wasn’t. I led a life that was just so “made up”.
With this post, I really wanted you to know that if we lived our lives based on how others want us to, or just generally just because we want acceptance from another person, we’ll never truly be happy. We’ll always be anxious thinking about what others think of us. We’ll end up missing living our own life that we want to live. Do you think you currently live the life that you want for yourself? Are you happy with everything (even the bad stuff) that happens to you? Would really love to hear your thoughts on it, so will be opening up some conversations on my IG stories this weekend.
In the meantime, remember this:
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