Welcoming 2021
Welcome to the last day of 2021 and my last post for the year! Time definitely flies and here we are.. 2+ months into this newsletter journey.
My body changed so drastically in 2018. Every pieces of clothing I owned were either too tight or did not fit anymore. I felt so ashamed, so sad and so upset at myself for putting on weight. I’m sure some of you here would have felt that way too.
Wherever I went, people commented how much weight I had put on. They asked if I was “stressed” and offered me unsolicited advice. By the end of June 2018, I was so desperate to lose the weight I had put on. I was determined to use any kind of methods to lose the weight.
By end of August 2018, I completely stopped lifting weights to get rid of all of the “muscles” I put on. I started doing intense HIIT (high intensity and interval training) classes. I made sure never to miss any of my classes. Never to have day offs. I even added extra exercise on top of the classes I was doing. 500 extra jump ropes. 1000 extra jump ropes.
I also started calorie counting, and excessively tracked everything I ate. I reduced my calorie intake to a maximum of 1,200 calories a day.
It worked, at least for a while. In October 2018, I was starting to see results.
To always be working out (1-2 hours a day), and eating less than 1200 calories meant that:
Your routine revolves around working out and eating clean
You rarely can go out to have meals with your friends, families or even go on dates
You prioritize eating clean and working out over many things in life like your friend’s birthday party, weddings, celebration
I missed out on a lot of things in life in those months because my priority was always about being “healthy”, being “strict” with my routines and having “control”. I was always anxious, always tired, always cranky. With a lot of research and going to therapy in 2019, I found that this obsession with eating clean and working out does you more harm than good. Being healthy isn’t just a look — but more so, a holistic approach to health that includes our physical and mental health.
Looking back (now going into 2021), I wished I just “lived” instead. As we approach the end of 2020, I hope that you will take some time off to reflect on the amazing things that you have achieved. If you think you didn’t do much in 2020, think again. 2020 is a year we survived the pandemic.
As the year comes to an end, I also see many people starting to set resolutions. And I see my old self in these resolutions that reinforce an obsession towards control through food and fitness. I see fat phobia, fear of food and disordered eating behaviors continue to be marketed as “good” and “healthy”. If there was one lesson my recovery taught me is that there is NOTHING wrong with gaining weight if it helps improve your relationship with food and exercise.
I hope 2021 will be a year that bring you even greater awareness to the dangers of fat phobia, disordered eating and mental health. Happy New Year my readers!
P.S. My next post will be about my disordered eating journey and the different ways a diet can be disguised as “for your health”. See you next year!